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Of all the martial arts, karaoke inflicts the most pain..

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Memory is what tells a man his wedding anniversary was yesterday..

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Freak out your neighbors. Name your wifi "police thana"..

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I've finally reached the age where I can't function without my glasses...especially if they're empty..

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Never ask for directions from a starfish..

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I always mean what I say...I just don't always mean to say it out loud..

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My cooking is so awesome, even the smoke alarm cheers me on..

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