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When I was young, I had to walk all the way to the TV to change the channels..

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I live in a two-story house: One of them is "It's always your fault" and the other one is "Because I said so"..

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It's difficult to follow your dream. It's a tragedy not to..

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Sometimes autocorrect can be your worst enema..

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If you're wrong and you shut up, you're wise; If you're right and you're shut up, you're married..

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The best way to get something done is to BEGIN..

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If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the team I work in..

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The moment when you call and ask to speak to the head idiot and you're put through to your own voice mail..

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You can't divorce yourself from reality if you were never married to it in the first place..

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Hi, I'm from the Government. If you think your problems are bad, just wait till you see our solutions..

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You're only your own worst critic until we become friends..

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A bathroom tile salesman's pitch to a girl should be "This tile will look great in the background of your facebook pics"..

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